So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
