Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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