I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
