you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize