I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
