Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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