Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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