New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
