I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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