the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
