I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
