I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
