dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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