Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
