in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
