Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
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I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
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His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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