come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
