just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
