Where are you?
In a non slutty way
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
we made out on top of his cat.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
