Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
