Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
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Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
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Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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