Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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