i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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