Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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