remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
