Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
