Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
