My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
