sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
