Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
