Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
