If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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