He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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