Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
