dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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