We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
