Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
