we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
