My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
