I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
