i don't plan on having that self control this summer
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
