From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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