I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
