I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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