The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
