I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
love makes seman taste better
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saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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