i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
