Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
