dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
