ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
