as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
