jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
