I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
