spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
