Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
