I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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