Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
