His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
