The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize