guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
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just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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