you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
