I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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