it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
