i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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