Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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