Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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