what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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