I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
