Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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