I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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