she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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