That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
