So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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