Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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