'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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