He asked to "fluff my boner.."
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
