i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I wear drunk well.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
