just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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