the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
