Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
