She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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