I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
