I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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